Scary Nights

As a kid I remember being afraid at night, a paralyzing kind of fear that kept me laying motionless for hours. The moon would cast some of the scariest shadows off the large tree that stood outside my bedroom window. I was so afraid that I devised a "plan" that worked for me for many years to come - pull the cover up to my neck, lay on my left side, breathe as little as possible and no matter what don't move a muscle.

I hadn't thought about that in many years until last night when my little guy was refusing to get into his bed at 3am. The fact that he was up at 3am is not new, unfortunately he isn't the best sleeper and more times than not he wakes up in the middle of the night that requires me to usher him back to bed. Last night was different because he said four words that brought my childhood fears rushing back to me - "it's scary for me".

Sleep in our house is elusive. With a toddler that has yet to figure out how to remain asleep in his bed and room all night long, his parents are walking zombies. We are committed to whatever it takes to get our nights back - all night, but when he said those words to me with a look on his face that said I'm truly afraid I couldn't force him to stay in his room.

I know that I have probably started a horrible cycle I was hoping to never be in again by allowing him to come into our bed. More than likely I will have to revisit "sleep bootcamp" at some point in the very near future but everything in me says that picking up my crying baby and carrying him into my room to sleep next to me was the right thing to do. As a kid, I wish that I could have gone to my own mother and told her how petrified I was but for many reasons that wasn't a possibility. I'm really glad that it is for my son.